What I’m reading: The Snake Pit by Mary Jane Ward

Ultra-stark and tumultuous tale, written in 1946 and based on the author’s own experience of being locked up in a psych ward, misdiagnosed with schizophrenia, and subjected to shock treatments. I’m loving the wandering pronouns in this book—sometimes you, sometimes I—it’s confusing and discombobulating and I didn’t like that at first until I realized the author was intentionally drawing me in to her own confused and blurry head space. Also I’m crushing on her husband. Also I’m never not going to read a book written by someone whose first name is “Mary Jane”, perhaps one of the coolest names of all time with druggie overtones that make me raise my fist and go Yes! Yes!

What I’m listening to: “Bad Ass” (Rogue Element Mix), The Crystal Method

It’s rainy season in the second year of the pandemic and I work at home all day and then at night everything is closed. So I stick my headphones in, deliberately forget my umbrella (I like the feeling of rain on my head), and head out for nighttime neon walks through the city. WITH TECHNO PUMPING. My fingers twitch as I wait for traffic lights to change. Every other masked stranger with their own thoughts and their own headphones is my secret rave partner; inside I am JOYOUSLY RAGING to this song, I am jumping up and down and losing my mind at that sweet spot in the center of the dance floor directly between the speakers. I want to fall down on my knees right here on the wet pavement of Shibuya and Ebisu and chant Thank you, thank you, thank you to The Crystal Method, for hours, however long it takes until the rain stops.